She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
