so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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