just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
