He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
