The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
