There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
