Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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