He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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