Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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