He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
i believe in u and ur pee
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
