I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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