I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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