K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
