Are we in a gay sports bar?
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
