and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
