i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Randomize
