Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
