Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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