I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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