For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
