look no pants
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
bring money and cleavage
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
