I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
