the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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