I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
