She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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