drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
