After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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