Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
