I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
