quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
