Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Randomize
