ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
