Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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