He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
