So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
