Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
