I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
