What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Text me some of your sweat
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
