if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
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