Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
