didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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