this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Success! We fucked roommates!
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
