She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
