Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
COCAINE IS GR8
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
