At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
