was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
