make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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