Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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