Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
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