He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
