Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
