The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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