dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
You pole danced in your parka.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
